Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Angels and God

March 10. Fifteen years ago, our parents left us in the house.The sun was almost setting, as my ditse was  preparing snacks for the three of us. Her old 3315 cellphone rang, and the next thing I heard was: "Ano? Bakit wala na siya?", 'I must be dreaming", I thought to myself upon hearing my older sister cry like a baby again. But apparently, everything is real. She shook me and said, "wala na si Daddy Pole", and we both cried, mourning the death of the only grandfather we know. He was supposed to turn a year older four days before his death.

March 14. I was feeling really awful from the amount of work we had that week, I just really wanted to sleep all day and  hibernate probably; but I have to get up and take a Final exam that I only know of hours before the scheduled date. 'Lord, bahala Ka na ha.' I said to myself as I was trying to remember the very few lessons I know this semester.

So my first exam, which happened to be practical thing was really really bad and I felt like the dumbest person in the world for not being able to answer/perform all those activities correctly even if I consider myself a 'computer literate', but it turned out I really wasn't.

I immediately proceeded to my next class and hurriedly made a project due for submission in an hour, but yeah, I didn't make it so I just wished and prayed that our professor would still allow me to pass the requirement the following meeting. But God (and my angels, I presume), gave me something more!

During our late lunch, my classmates were thinking of skipping the last class because we have not reviewed yet while I was hoping for a miracle that our professor would not make it because he missed it or something like that.

An hour before the exam, we went back to the college and I sheepishly asked one of my classmates if she could lend me a book, which she willingly did and we even had some sort of a peer review. I was just staring at the book, trying to absorb and make sense of what I am reading when our professor came and asked us to transfer to another room.

I was not really confident in  taking the exam, but I just asked for His guidance and told Him I'll just answer what I know. It took us about three hours to finish the grueling examination, my hands are aching, my head feels heavy, my eyes are itchy and I  really really feel sleepy.

So with a very heavy heart, I went home. Thinking what might happen with my exams, then I thought how my dad would react once he knows how I've been doing in this masteral course. I thought of how I'll be able to comply with the requirements. I thought of not enrolling the following semester because every semester that I am working and studying at the same time becomes harder that it was before. I thought that this is the perfect recipe for being a failure again.

The following week is yet another stressful week. Forms, checking, preparation for graduation and other requirements and all the tasks that a teacher faces every single day made me occupied and brought all the stress it could.

But God has always His way of surprising us in the midst of overwhelming situations. His assurance of everything is unbelievable and His blessings come when we least expect it. I know You sent your angels to guide me in taking that very last exam which I did not expect to pass, but You gave me wisdom to answer and remind me of the things I almost forgot. I owe  this to you, Lord. Without you,  Daddy Pole, Inang Pita, Lola Barang and all the angels you've given me, I know this would not be possible.

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