Wanted: Mom and Dad

I didn't  really consider myself a lucky, fat and normal kid growing up. Well, I was and I am still fat, okay. Studying in a private school where most of my schoolmates are children of a certain doctor or an attorney or a councilor or any professional-sounding individual like engineer, nurse, midwife and so on- while I am a daughter of two government employees. Well, they don't have titles, their names don't start with Arch., Engr., Dr., or Atty. so I must have a reason to feel really inferior to my classmates.

What I didn't realize at that time was that I was beyond privileged and extremely lucky because unlike some of my classmates who turned out to be spoiled brats, constant bullies, and young parents, I was normal- because I have a complete family. I have a mom and a dad, and sometimes, it's all that really matters and that could spell a huge difference in a child's life.

So my mom went on a five-day seminar at Subic this week, and this is the first time in my entire existence that I am bringing myself to admit that I really missed her. It just feels incomplete not having her around in our house for four days. Well, it's not like this is the first time my parents went on a seminar. Our (my siblings and I) entire childhood was almost filled with our memories of us sending dad to the airport or fetching him, of mom going to different places to attend some seminar, of both of them being out of town at the same time, leaving us with our Lola or aunts.

I've found out that during one of the lowest points of your life, when your entire life flashes before your eyes, when your reminisce the better times you had, when all you worry about the chains of your bicycle getting misaligned while driving or what your Lola would buy for merienda, -- you learn to appreciate the little things that seemed trivial at first.

This week, I came up with 10 reasons why I don't want mom to be out again:

1. No delicious breakfast.
2. No wake-up call to get my lazy ass off the bed and do some household chores. Even if most of the time she would wake me up just to ask questions that we both know she knows the answer for.
3. No delicious dinner.
4. No groceries.
5. She's the only person in the house who knows where everything is. Sugar, coffee, flashlight, hammer.....
6. I can tell her things I cannot tell Dad because I am really, really scared.
7. I can annoy her constantly and convince her to buy me stuff I should be paying myself.
8. My dog loves her.
9. She provides a sense of comfort and warmth inside the house.
10. She talks a lot.

Consequently, I also made 10 reasons why I'll miss dad when he's out:

1. The plants will die.
2. My dog really loves him.
3. I can ask for money without being audited.
4. He brings a sense of security and authority in the house.
5. TV bonding.
6. I will miss his questions/requests about computers or internet.
7. He really makes eating fruits and vegetables look a lot of fun.
8. His temper......
9. He doesn't really say much, but his words are very, very on point.
10. His intellectual sense of humor.

So there. If you are a parent and you come across this post through some random act of wizardry or anything like that, I just ought to tell you one thing ( as a teacher, ehem, and as a child), go spend quality time with your child/ren as often as you can. When I say quality, that doesn't mean going to Disneyland or some amusement park, sometimes, a simple break from your busy work to ask how their day went and actually listening to their response, verbal or not, could make a lot of difference in their lives. Children never needed all those fancy gadgets and expensive shoes or dress, they need YOU, and you alone. They need you as their mothers and fathers, not you as the bank manager or the lawyer. They need you to make them feel wanted. They need you to make them feel you miss them or you love them, and that is something IPads, a pair of Jordan breds or new clothes can do. Your children needs constant affirmation and reassurance that it is perfectly okay to have mistakes as long as you learn from it and not dwell on it.

And if by any chance you are a child, a son or a daughter, regardless of how young or how old you are, always be grateful for your parent/s. Show them your gratitude by studying or working hard to make them happy. I hope we all live up to how we were raised by our parents. I hope we make them proud of who and what we have become at this point of our lives, and who and what we will become in the years to come. I hope we all come to realize that they did what they can, gave what they have and lost what they once had, in order for us to have a better life than theirs.

A love story

He is 19. She is 17. They got married last Sunday.

I was heart-broken, yet I had to attend a wedding of a family friend and witness a  union of love.

He was small, I didn't even thought that he was the groom when I first entered the hall. He looked like more of a high school student attending his first JS Promenade. He asks a glass of water every now and then.

She was dressed in a beautiful gown, trying to hide her five-month old baby inside her. Her make-up smudged probably by the heat inside the room.

The entourage started and everyone looked at them. They look like little kids playing the "Wedding Booth" in school. But it was real. This is a wedding. This marks the start of a journey of a lifetime.

The pastor started the ceremony. They were tied with a veil and a cord, and finally joined by a ring. The new chapter of their lives was sealed with a kiss. They are now one. 

He sang her a song and she blushed. They must be in-love. But I felt at that moment, they are not ready. 

I felt fear. 

I fear of being married someday. 

It's not easy leaving what you have lived for all these years and starting all over again. It's not easy taking care of someone else when you cannot even take care of yourself at all times. It's not easy being away from your parents. 

After the break-up, I told my friends that I don't want to fall in love again. They raised eyebrows and asked me to just finish the bottle of Red Horse.

Witnessing their wedding, I realized one thing: 

Life is too short. 

And sometimes, our decisions makes it shorter. That while we have the liberty to do what we want with our lives, we have to think of the consequences of our actions. Regrets are inevitable, but we can always use them to learn lessons that will hopefully make us better persons.

Fourteen

Paunawa: Lubhang ma-emong post, maaring i-click ang x-button sa itaas. :))

Naramdaman mo na ba na parang wala ng spark 'yung relationship mo sa isang tao? Oo, mahal mo siya pero hindi ka na masaya. Oo, mahal mo siya pero hindi mo na kayang tanggapin lahat ng ginagawa niya-parang sila Popoy at Basha sa One More Chance, pero ayaw mo pa din bumigay, naniniwala ka pa din na isang phase lang 'to ng relasyon niyo na kaya niyong pagdaanan at pagkatapos noon, okay na ulit ang lahat.

Naramdaman mo na ba yung sobrang kasiyahan mo kinabukasan magiging kalungkutan -walang pahintulot, walang babala-biglaan.

Nagugulahan ako, ayokong bumigay pero sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, nalulungkot ako, nalulungkot ako dahil baka ako ang maging dahilan ng pagsisi niya sa huli, nalulungkot ako na hindi niya nagagawa ang mga bagay na gusto nyang gawin dahil ayaw kong pumayag, nalulungkot ako dahil natatakot ako na ang maging kapalit ng kalayaan niya na gawin lahat ng gusto niya ang ang kalayaan niya mula sa akin. 

Pero 'diba sabi naman nila, kung kayo, kayo. Kung hindi, hindi. May mga taong sadyang ibinigay sa atin upang turuan tayong magmahal, lumuha, magalit, tumawa, maglambing, maging mga tao na ni sa hinagap ay hindi natin inakalang magiging tayo- at sa oras na natuto na tayo, matatapos na ang kanilang misyon at iiwan nila tayong nakatayo sa sarili nating mga paa-malakas, hindi mabubuwal at mas mabuting mga tao.

Pero ang masakit doon hindi nila tayo tinuruang maging handa sa oras na lilisan na sila....

Nagugulahan ako, pero iisang bagay lang ang alam kong malinaw- hindi ko pa kayang maiwan, hindi ko pa kayang bumigay-parang bisyo, kahit alam mong nakamamatay, sadyang mahirap tigilan-hanggang hindi pa iniinda ng katawan mo ang lahat ng sakit-sige pa din.

Pasensya na sa ka-dramahan, nasipa ng kabayong pula e. 

Si Manang

Ito ay hindi tungkol sa Araw ng mga Ina. Kailangan ko lang talagang ibulalas ang mga sentimyento ko kay Manang, ang aming plantsadora. Kasalukuyan siyang namamlantsa ngayon sa likod ko, ewan ko kung nababasa niya 'to pero wala akong pakielam.

Mag-iisang taon na ang nakalipas nang magsimulang mamlantsa si Manang. Maliit siya, maitim, mahaba ang buhok, at ayon sa kanya kuwarenta anyos pa lamang siya, pero sa hitsura niya mukhang mas matanda pa siya sa kay ermat na singkwenta anyos na.

Unang pagtatagpo pa lang namin ni Manang, hindi na kami agad nagkasundo, paano naman sinunog niya ang kuwelyo ng uniporme kong kulay penk- at hanggang ngayon ay idine-deny nya pa ito- eh sino nga makakasunog nun, ako??

Kinalumutan ko na 'yung hindi magandang simula ng pagsasama namin hanggang sa isang araw habang humahagikgik ako sa harap ng kompyuter, salamat mga jejemon at sa blog ng TNL, e bigla niya akong inistorbo: "Kuwan, kumuha ka nga ng hanger." wika niya, "Sige" sagot ko naman, at tsaka ko tinuloy ang paghagikgik ko-papalakas, kahit hindi na totoo para inisin siya.

Hindi pa doon natatpos ang lahat, bukod sa pag-uutos niya sa mga amo niya, nang minsang umalis sila ermat at erpat e akong mag-isa lang ang naiwan sa bahay. Alas onse ako nagising, dumiretso sa kompyuter at natagpuan ko syang malapit nang matapos sa trabaho niya.

Nang matapos siya, umupo sya sa upuan, habang ako utong-uto sa paglalaro ng Farmville. "Kuwan, uuwi na ako" sabi nya, "Sige po" sabi ko naman.

Hindi sya gumalaw, isa,dalawa, tatlong minuto ang lumipas, nakaupo pa din siya, nilingon ko sya sa likod at nagsalubong ang aming mga mata. "Hindi ho ba kayo binigyan nila mama?" tanong ko sa kanya, umiling sya. 

Tayo ako sa upuan at pumunta sa kwarto nila ermats, halughog, bukas cabinet, bukas bag, akyat sa tuktok ng cabinet- walang pera. Masakit man sa loob ko, pumunta ako sa kwarto namin, hinagilap ang bag ko at hinalungkat kung may pera pa ako- may P 250 pa ako, itinabi ko yung isandaan- pambili ko ng bagong panty.

Lumabas ako at mabigat sa loob na iniabot ang P150 sa kanya, tsaka ako mabilis na tumalikod para hindi na sya makapag-reklamo pero bago ko pa man magawa 'to, umapela na siya, kulang daw, tinanong ko kung magkano ba binibigay sa kanya "P 250"  with matching paawa at pagod na pagod na mukha.

Mahina ako sa mga taong paawa, baka nga maiyak pa ako kapag hindi ko sila nabibigyan ng limos e.
Kaya naman imbes na muli ay pag-tripan ko siya, nagpasya na lang akong bumalik sa kwarto at kunin yung isandaan-babay bagong panty. Binigay ko sa kanya at umalis na sya, ako naiwan sa bahay mag-isa.

Mag-isa na nga wala pang pera. Langya,

Kung may nakakainis na encounters ako kay Manang, meron namang nakakatuwa.

Nung minsan na umalis na naman sila ermat at erpat, ako na naman ang naiwan. Kagigising ko lang noon e, siguro akala ni Manang siya lang ang tao sa bahay noon, kaya naman napagpasyahan niyang mag-yosi break, oo yosi break- at panis ang Marlboro, Fortune at Champion sa yosi niya-  Magkaibigan ang hinhits niya. 

Nang abutan ko siya na nakaupo, nakataas ang isang paa sa silya at humi-hits ng Magkaibigan, balik ako agad sa kwarto, nagpatugtog ng Fire Burning on the Dance Floor at tsaka humagalpak sa kakatawa. 

Walang katulad ang lola mo. Kaya naman hanggang ngayon kahit marami na syang damit na nasusunog at sa akin niya inirereklamo ang mga mantsa sa damit na pinaplantsa niya na tila ba matatanggal ko ang mga pesteng mantsa na 'yun e, pinababalik pa din sya ni ermats (isama  na din ng pag-eextra rice at pag-eextra ulam niya tuwing tanghalian), wala daw kasing ibang ikinabubuhay. 

Kaya naman matagal-tagal pa ang mga adbentyurs namin ni Manang. Tsk Tsk.

Confused.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan 'tong post na 'to, Mother's Day pa naman bukas. :(

Ganito kasi yun e, may problema sa pamilya niya yung isang kaibigan ko, tapos sa'kin niya sinasabi lahat ng nararamdaman niya-lahat ng anger niya sa pamilya niya, like pag nagka-pera siya lalayas siya tapos di na siya magpapakita. 

Pero ang pinakanakakatakot dun is that he's telling me na ang pinakamadaling paraan lang naman daw para matapos ang problema niya is to end his life-since doon din naman daw tayo pupunta lahat. 

I asked him kung kaya niya bang iwan yung mga taong nagmamahal sa kanya? Sabi niya hindi naman daw lahat magpapa-apekto kapag nawala siya- and that death is a natural process that we would all go through eventually.

Sinubukan ko na lahat para hindi sulsulan yung mga sinasabi niya, naging careful ako sa pagbibitaw ng salita kasi nga hindi naman ako yung nagdadaan sa pinagdadaanan niya. Sinabi ko din na kausapin niya yung mga magulang niya para sabihin yung totoo nyang nararamdaman sa set-up ng pamilya nila-pero wala din, hindi naman daw sya pakikinggan ng mga magulang niya,.

Kaya hindi ko na talaga alam gagawin ko. Hayyy.

 Ano pa ba pwede kong gawin??