"Sabi MO"

May nag-send sa e-mail ko nito mahigit isang taon na ang nakakaraan. Hanggang ngayon, binabasa ko pa din 'to ng paulit-ulit.
Hindi ko alam kung sino ang totoong gumawa nito, pero nais ko siyang bigyan papuri sa galing niya.

"Sabi Mo"

Sabi MO , ang gobyerno natin ay palpak.

Sabi MO , ang mga batas natin ay sinauna.

Sabi MO , ang lokal na pamahalaan natin ay hindi
maganda ang pagkolekta ng basura at ang paglilinis ng
mga lugar.

Sabi MO , hindi gumagana ang mga telepono, katatawanan
ang kalagayan ng trapiko, at hindi nakakarating sa
paroroonan ang mga sulat.

Sabi MO , parang nasadlak sa basura ang ating buong
bansa.

Sabi Mo , sabi MO, sabi MO.

E ano'ng ginagawa mo tungkol dito?

Kumuha ka ng isang taong papunta sa Singapore .
Bigyan mo sya ng pangalan, yung sa IYO.
Bigyan MO sya ng mukha, yung sa IYO.
Lumabas KA sa airport nang
pinakamatino mong sarili na maipagmamalaki sa mundo..

Sa Singapore Hindi KA nagtatapon ng upos ng sigarilyo sa kalye.
Ipinagmamalaki MO ang magaganda nilang underpass.
Nagbabayad KA ng mga 60 pesos para makapagmaneho
sa Orchard Road (parang EDSA) mula alas 5 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi.

Bumalik KA sa parking lot para bayaran ang parking tiket mo
kung napasobra ka ng oras sa shopping o sa pagkain sa isang restaurant.

Sa Singapore , wala KAng sinasabi, meron ba?

Hindi MO susubukang kumain sa lantad kapag Ramadan sa Dubai .

Hindi MO susubukang lumabas ng bahay na walang takip ang mukha sa Jeddah.

Hindi MO susubukang lagyan ang isang empleyado ng kumpanya ng telepono sa London
para mapunta sa ibang tao ang mga long distance na tawag mo.

Hindi MO susubukang lumampas ng 90 kilometers per hour sa Washington,
at saka sasabihin sa pulis "Alam mo kung sino ako?"

Bakit di MO subukang dumura o magtapon ng upos ng
sigarilyo o balat ng kendi sa mga kalye sa Tokyo ?

Bakit hindi MO subukang bumili ng pekeng mga papeles
sa Boston tulad ng ginagawa sa Recto?

Pinag-uusapan pa rin natin IKAW.

IKAW na gumagalang at sumusunod sa patakarang banyaga sa ibang bansa
pero hindi makasunod sa sarili mong lugar.

IKAW na tapon ng tapon sa kalye pagtuntong mo pa lang sa lupa.

Kung IKAW ay nakikisalamuha at pumupuri ng sistema sa bansang banyaga,
bakit hindi KA maging ganyan sa Pilipinas?

Minsan sa isang panayam, ang dating Subic
Administrator na si Gordon ay may katwiran ng sinabi nyang:
"Ang mga aso ng mayayaman ay pinalalakad at
pinadudumi ng may-ari sa kalye, tapos sila mismo ang
pumupuna sa may katungkulan sa kapalpakan sa
paglilinis ng mga kalye. Ano ang gusto nilang gawin ng
mga may katungkulan? Magwalis tuwing makakaramdam ng
hindi maganda sa tiyan ang kanilang alaga?"

Sa America , bawat may-ari ng alaga ay dapat maglinis
matapos ang pagdumi ng aso. Ganuon din sa Japan .

Gagawin ba ng mga Pilipino yun dito? Tama sya.

Pumupunta tayo sa botohan para pumili ng gobyerno at pagkatapos nuon
ay tinatanggal na natin sa sarili ang responsibilidad.

Uupo tayo sa isang tabi at paghihintay ng pagkalinga at umaasa
na gagawin ng gobyerno ang lahat habang wala tayong iniaalay.

Umaasa tayo sa pamahalaan na maglinis, ngunit hindi
naman tayo titigil sa pagtatapon ng basura sa kung
saan-saan, at ni hindi tayo pupulot ng anumang piraso
ng papel para itapon sa basurahan.

Pagdating sa mga panlipunang talakayin tulad nang
hindi pagiging tapat sa kasal, sa mga dalagang ina, sa
pagtatalik ng walang basbas ng kasal, at iba pa,
maingay tayong nagpoprotesta ngunit patuloy naman
nating ginagawa ang mga ito.

Sa sandaling tayo ay mangulila kapag nasa labas tayo
ng bansa, naghahanap tayo ng aliw sa iba, kadalasan sa
kapwa rin natin Pilipino, na hindi natin iniisip ang
ating katungkulan na ating sinumpaan sa ating pamilya
nuong narito pa tayo.

Tapos sinisisi natin ang pamahalaan kapag nakikita
natin ang karahasan sa kabataan, pagkagumon sa bawal
na gamot, at iba pa, samantalang sinimulan natin
ito sa hindi pagpansin sa pangangailangan ng ating mga
anak ng tunay na pag-gabay at responsibilidad ng isang
magulang.

Ang sabi natin, "Ang buong sistema ang kailangang
magbago. Ano ang magagawa kung ako lang ang
magpapabago sa aking pamilya?"

E sino ang magbabago ng sistema?

Ano ba ang mga sangkap ng sistema?
Napakaginhawa sa atin na ang sistema ay binubuo ng ating mga
kapitbahay, mga ibang tahanan, ibang syudad, ibang
komunidad, at ang pamahalaan.

Pero hindi kasama IKAW at AKO.
Pagdating sa ating pagkakaroon ng positibong
handog sa sistema, ikinakandado natin ang sarili, pati
na ang ating pamilya sa loob ng isang ligtas na pugad
at tumatanaw na lang tayo sa malayong mga lugar at
bansa at naghihintay ng isang Mr. Clean na dumating at
maghatid na mga himala.

O lumilikas tayo.

Parang mga tamad na duwag na hindi
pinatatahimik ng ating mga takot, tumatakbo tayo sa
Amerika upang makisalo sa kanilang luwalhati at
purihin sa kanilang sistema. Pero pag naging
masalimuot sa New York tatakbo tayo sa Japan o
Hongkong. Pag nagkahirapan ang paghanap ng trabaho sa
Hongkong, sakay agad tayo sa susunod na eroplano
patungong Gitnang Silangan. Pag may digmaan sa Gulf,
inaasahan nating masagip at mapauwi ng Gobyernong
Pilipino.

Lahat ay handang umabuso at gumahasa sa bansa.
Walang nag-iisip na handugan ang sistema.
Ang konsyensya natin ay nakasanla sa pera.

Mga mahal kong kababayan,
ang sulating ito ay matinding nakakakislot ng isipan,
nangangailangan ng maraming pagmumuni-muni, at
tumutusok din sa konsyensya.
Medyo inuulit ko lang ayon sa ating salita ang mga salita
ni John F.Kennedy sa kanyang kabansa upang maitugma sa ating
mga Pilipino:

"Itanong natin kung ano ang magagawa natin sa ating
bansang Pilipinas at gawin ang nararapat upang ang
Pilipinas ay maging tulad ng Amerika at ibang
kanlurang bansa ngayon."

Gawin natin kung ano ang kailangan ng Pilipinas sa
atin.

say what?!

I should have been happy.

I SHOULD have been.

But I am NOT.

I feel disappointed.
discriminated.
victimized.
like a dumb as*hole.

I with two new staffers of The Educator, our college publication joined a "seminar" on "photojournalism". To some extent, I really learned something from the resource speakers from Ateneo.

Morning session started at 9.30 am and ended at 11.30 am.
And it was awful-really.
By this time, I realized that the three of us are actually victims of that "seminar".
We registered as "participants" and paid a whopping P 300/each for the "seminar kit, registration and food.
Came lunch time, we were surprised when we found out that we will eat JUST the SAME FOOD that facilitators, guests and observers will be eating? So what's the sense of that goddamn P300? A seminar kit, perhaps?

Lunch passed and the afternoon session started at 2pm.
Oh, where's the P300 seminar kit?
I just remembered the organizers early in the morning doing some cuttings and pasting to the envelopes. Where is it now?

The "seminar" passed and still, no seminar kit in sight.
Since I didn't bring any pen or paper because our EIC told us that it is already included in the P300 fee,I am itching to take down notes.

Hours passed and I wasn't able to take down any notes.

And what about the photo shoot??

Our group was the only group who took shots of human-beings and was criticized for doing so.
I admit, I gave a lame excuse of being "new" in that field that is why we produced a "palpak" photo essay, because it is actually TRUE.

Almost all of the participants are actually from the self-fulfilling prophecy department of this filthy college in the university.

And because their course is somehow related to the topic, of course they received excellent remarks. And when it was our turn, it was like I am in front of my rape victims because of the questions they are asking, no not only questions but "criticisms"-that according to them will help me become a better person (lokohin niyo lelang niyo. x.X)

What I really hate the most is dictating what I should or should not do-simply because I was not raised that way.

My parents never dictated on me- and no one will ever do.

And this is what actually happened this day.

Dictations and everything.
Following without knowing the reason why.
Giving praises for nothing.
Words and just words.

BORING.

Life in a song.

From American Idol 2008, David Cook's single, TIME OF MY LIFE.

I’ve been waiting for my dreams

To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn

I've been in school for almost 13 years. I can vividly remember my teacher's question during Elementary as to how do we see ourselves after ten years. I would often answer that I see myself as a lawyer, a doctor or a broadcaster.

I entered college in 2006 and none of my ambitions actually happened, not even close, not even a bit.

I got frustrated during the rocky first year in college, thinking that I should have been at saint Louis University with my ditse, taking up what I really wanted, AB Communication Arts.

For two years, I've been filled with too many "what if's" in my mind. What if I just studied and reviewed EVERYTHING about high school so that I could have gone to my dream schools University of the Philippines and University of Santo Tomas.

For two years, I've been searching for answers to what I really wanted. I even thought of transferring to Wesleyan University- Philippines and take up Nursing so that I could also give my family a comfortable life later.

But then again, these frustrations actually led to something better. I've learned that not all things in life can be given by money, that not being able to be in a prestigious school does not make me lesser of a person. I've learned that everything has its own reasons.

And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

I entered College of Education not knowing anyone from the higher years or the faculty.

I was filled with fear during the first weeks of the class and was devastated when our PE teacher actually scolded me in front of everyone because we missed his class because of the orientation program. I cried hard the whole day because that was my first time to lead a class, and that was one hell of a traumatic experience for me!

Nevertheless, I managed to get up and gain my classmates' trust back. I was elected to hold positions in the sophomore class and in our department.

That year, I also tried my luck in writing for the college paper. I was surprised when I found out that I passed the exams and I am officially a part of the Editorial Board. But that time, I was so stressed out with the "toxic" life of a sophomore EEd student and I really find it difficult to balance my life as a student and as a part of the publication.

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart


So I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life

Second Semester.

I managed to survive the toxicity of the College of Education and was ready to conquer another grueling semester.

My first time to join an essay writing contest took place during the Education Week celebration.

I fought but I was defeated.

I was the 1st runner-up and another co-writer won.
I suddenly remembered one quotation from Tiger Woods in a Reader's Digest issue that says, and I quote:
"Being the first runner-up just means the first loser."

Well, I guess it worked for me because during the college level Literary Musical contest, I was selected to represent the college for the University contest.

But then again, being the inexperienced and uhmm, quite negative writer that I am about the issue "The Role of Filipino Migrant Workers as Citizens of the World", I lost.

And again, I remembered Tiger Woods- I am a first loser again. xD

And I’m out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I’m keeping my feet on the ground
My arms open wide
My face to the sun

I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
This is the time
This is the time of my life.
This is the time of my life.

I survived the challenging sophomore year.

Another year started, and I am not a regular student.

I have tons of behind subjects.

I am not the good student.

But I am glad that there are people who made me realized that I am more than what I thought I was, that I could actually do things on my own, take every step and stand on my own feet and to do what I wanted to do and seize everything until there is something worth doing and seizing.

I've learned that people can be so cruel at times, but it does not mean that they hate you, sometimes, cruelty is one way of showing kindness.

I've learned that opportunities and chances to grow and find the person that I want to be is not confided within the four walls of the classroom but it is out there, waiting to be discovered, waiting to be risked and conquered.

I've learned that no matter how tough life can be, no matter how unfair the world is, there is still that one person who can help you get out of all these things- YOURSELF.

I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life
Time of my life
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
This is the time
This is the time of my life.
This is the time of my life.